Harper comes clean on Senate scandal

31 Oct

An excerpt from the convention speech Prime Minister Harper will deliver to CPC delegates on Friday:

I now turn from our Party’s great achievements and our plans for the next decade to offer a few words about this Senate business. In the last few weeks Canadians have watched the nightly news with growing incredulity. They have asked legitimate questions about the state of our Parliamentary democracy. They have grappled with who knew what when and who is telling the truth. They have asked: who can be trusted? On occasion, believe it or not, even I have been the object of their doubts.

My friends, let me be perfectly clear — no, let me be crystal clear — about this matter. I stand before you today to reveal that this seemingly sordid state of affairs has had a noble purpose all along. The simple truth is this: More than a year ago, the RCMP Commissioner presented me and several trusted advisors with the stunning news that both the Canadian Senate and the PMO had been infiltrated by malicious foreign interests who masqueraded as representatives and servants of the Canadian people. The Police asked for our co-operation in setting up an elaborate sting operation to root out and expose the evil-doers. Despite the adverse effect on the sterling reputation of our Conservative Party, which will be short-lived, we naturally agreed to do whatever we could to safeguard Canada’s precious democratic institutions.

To catch a spy, you must play the spy. That is why it was necessary to compile what the overly sensitive left-wing media likes to call an ‘enemies list’. That is why the Canada Revenue Agency has been quietly retaining and accessing the personal information of millions of so-called ordinary Canadians. That is why, with the assistance of the NSA in the United States, we have spent many enjoyable evenings listening in on even the most intimate personal conversations of the leaders of the other parties. And that is why, with the co-operation of our national cellular service providers, we will soon be monitoring the emails and phone calls of millions of potentially suspect Canadians to prevent further nefarious acts against the state. Of course, for reasons of national security, I have not been able to explain any of this before. Thank you all for your patience as I successfully beat back the irresponsible opposition parties over this matter in Question Period.

As a result of these bold initiatives of your Harper Government, those complicit in this diabolical effort to subvert process in the Senate and in my office have been run to ground. I can confirm that there are more than a few perpetrators, but fewer than 13. In the fullness of time, each and every one of these traitors will feel the full weight of Harper law. All Canadians now realize that no one is more focused on crime and criminals than our Party.

To anyone still wondering who puts the nation’s interests before petty political expediency, you now have your answer.

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