Dumpster diving yields PMO secrets

18 Jul

In the course of his daily research, a CTV News reporter discovered this extraordinary document from the Prime Minister’s Office.

The document, with marginal notes in Stephen Harper’s controlled hand, contains consecutive drafts of the opening paragraph of the Prime Minister’s planned remarks to the upcoming Conservative Party of Canada convention.

CPC Conv. Draft #1

My friends, chers amis. Before you stands a new man, a chastened man, a man humbled by the sad and unforgivable events that so recently overtook our glorious Party. The disgraceful Senate scandal — there is no other way to describe it — and countless other nefarious acts of my Government, have flouted our Parliamentary traditions and stained our national character. It is obvious to me, as it must be to you, that government by fiat cannot and should not continue in our fair nation. Canadians deserve better. We all deserve better. Accordingly, I offer you, and all Canadians, my sincerest apology and my personal assurance that if re-elected with another majority, our Party will never again indulge in similar acts of petty selfishness and self-aggrandizement. You have my word on this.

Marginal note: Good work, Scott – nice rhythm, almost lyrical in fact. Certainly contrite, but perhaps a bit over the top. Not sure I could pull this off without laughing. Leave it with me.

CPC Conv. Draft #2

My friends, chers amis. Once again our Party, the Founding Party of Canada, meets to review our successes, reaffirm our values, and revitalize the platform that will lead us to an even more glorious future. As you know, the past few months have tested our core values and found them more appropriate than ever to the times. Despite the unrelenting thuggery of tax-and-spend Liberals and separatist Socialists, we have stood united behind our principles. There is no need to review the tremendous strides we have made in economic stability and job growth, in strengthening our military forces and security agencies, and in increasing transparency and accountability. Our record speaks for itself. However, like everyone in this room, I too have heard the clarion call of the Canadian people for change. That’s why I have put our highly respected colleague, Pierre Poilievre, in charge of sweeping democratic reform. Reform is clearly what the Canadian people want, and Reform is what they’ll get.

Marginal note: Scott, I’ve made a few changes. Give it the once-over and let me know what you think. Just don’t change anything.

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2 Responses to “Dumpster diving yields PMO secrets”

  1. diamondwalker 18 July 2013 at 8:17 pm #

    Good flight of fancy .. into a dark political cloud..
    Its got me thinking about a similar attempt ..

    Fine work .. !!

    • Barry Potyondi 19 July 2013 at 2:53 pm #

      Hey, glad you enjoyed it. I hope you’ll consider writing something of your own. Canadians need all the help they can get!

      Cheers,

      Barry

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