In over his head

14 May

A contrite Justin Trudeau was barely able to look straight into the camera as he took to the podium after the results of the Labrador election were announced on Monday night.

Minutes before, the Conservative Party of Canada had pointed out that the Liberal candidate, Yvonne Jones, led her Conservative opponent by 43 points in the polls prior to Mr. Trudeau’s ascent to the leadership of the federal Liberal Party. As soon as Trudeau won the leadership race, however, Jones’s lead dropped like a stone. In the end, Jones managed to vanquish her opponent by a mere 20 per cent.

“Let me be honest with you,” said the downcast Mr. Trudeau, his voice barely audible in the hushed auditorium. “I feel just terrible about this. Our margin of victory is nothing less than a personal humiliation. I keep asking myself what I might have done differently. In the end, I have to admit that Mr. Harper was right: I am in way over my head.”

“At first I thought our slim victory might be cause for celebration. After all, Mr. Penashue is the stuff of which Mr. Harper’s cabinets are made. I wanted to believe that defeating someone of his fiscal integrity and moral standing was a good portent for the future of the Liberal Party. But in the end, I realize these are just excuses for our poor showing.”

“I intend to take a walk in the grass and reflect on my future as leader of the Liberal Party. I need to seek the source of my failure. Perhaps I could have been nicer. Smiled more. Ironed my cargo shorts. It will take time to pin-point the source of this electoral fiasco.”

“To the leader of the Conservative Party, I offer my sincere congratulations on his splendid second-place showing. At the end of the day, I think we must all admit that no one in this country runs an election campaign like Mr. Harper does.”

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4 Responses to “In over his head”

  1. Daryl Mary 15 May 2013 at 2:06 am #

    Wonderful!

  2. Kay 18 May 2013 at 4:27 pm #

    THIS IS BULLSHIT!

    • J. Sutherland 19 May 2013 at 11:46 am #

      wha !!!!!!!????????????????????????

  3. Attemptress 23 May 2013 at 9:24 pm #

    This is awesome, haha. Go Justin!

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