A Plea from the CPC

30 Apr

The Conservative Party of Canada (CPC) has issued an urgent plea for the public’s assistance.

CPC President John Walsh is calling upon all Canadians to contribute their ideas for new and better negative ads about Justin Trudeau.

“We’re embarrassed to admit it,” Walsh said, “but our Party really blew it with that first ad. Supporters from coast to coast have told us how disappointed they were by what they called our insufficient loathing. Some long-time Party members even said the ad’s moderate tone put them off red meat for days. In retrospect, none of us (and especially not the Big Guy) feels it was up to our customary standard of sleaze.”

“While we may be struggling to regain our traditional levels of public disgust at the moment, we know we can do better. The good news is we’ve isolated the problem.”

“Our challenge is that Trudeau has never done anything remotely offensive to anyone. Frankly, he seems like a really decent guy who wants to make this a better country. Now I ask you, where’s the mileage in that for muckrakers like us?”

“So if anyone out there knows of anything negative — anything at all — that we could use against Trudeau, I beg you to contact my office immediately. As is customary in our Party, there will be some plum prizes for the most vile and politically incorrect suggestions.”

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