When bad things happen to good companies

16 Apr

A Letter to the Community from the Royal Bank of Canada

In preparing our 2013 Annual Report, which will again show obscenely high corporate earnings, we noticed that last year we inadvertently promised you ordinary Canadians more than “service to clients.”

We also said we stood for “personal responsibility” and “trust through integrity in everything we do.” Believe it or not, we even claimed we had the “right strategy, the right values and the right people.”

On reflection, that last one in particular seemed a bit of a stretch. Especially after someone with a big mouth called us on that foreign temporary worker business.

Thankfully, many long days of focus group sessions and private polling have now reconnected us with our inner apologists. Through this statistically validated soul-searching, we have come to understand that we simply cannot regain our integrity and your trust, which as you know has always been and will forever remain so very important to us, without accepting personal responsibility and saying we’re sorry.

It takes a big company to apologize like this, and we’re still one of the biggest.

Now, with particular regard to those of you who were put off by our position on foreign temporary workers, let us add that we were simply following the rules as laid down by the Harper Government. If you don’t like those, don’t blame us. There is a limit to the amount of stupidity we’re willing to apologize for.

In closing, we want to reassure you that while other banks may be too big to fail, we at the Royal Bank have never seen size as an obstacle.

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2 Responses to “When bad things happen to good companies”

  1. April and Ray 18 April 2013 at 4:24 pm #

    Love it! The bigger they are, the bigger the lies. All the mea culpas in the world won’t change that.

    • Barry P 19 April 2013 at 9:37 pm #

      Great to hear from you, and glad you liked it. But wait, there’s more. If you liked this, you’ll love my new monthly column on Riotwire called Circling the Drain. The theme is basically aging without grace. You’ll find it here: http://goo.gl/0wTbJ

      All the best (and we hope the snow’s all gone),

      B&B

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