Lost in the Stacks

20 Mar

In private, Heritage Minister James Moore has reportedly called them “a credible threat to the maintenance of public order” and “possibly operating with the collusion and in the interest of foreign governments.”

Canada’s librarians and archivists, it would seem, have been outed for the left-wing subversives they are.

Under new regulations issued this week by the Harper Government, these public servants must now obtain the permission of their political masters before uttering comments in conversation or online.

“It has come to my attention,” said Minister Moore, “that these people have been engaging in high risk activities that could severely damage the Canadian State. These include, but are not necessarily limited to, attending academic conferences, speaking with third-year history students, and leading groups of small children through the stacks of the National Library.”

“I need not tell you that such individuals do not have the welfare of Canada at heart. Like rogue scientists, they pose an extraordinary threat to the stability of the Canadian State.”

“That is why Prime Minister Harper, whom the prestigious National Review has just called an exceptional leader, has seen fit to demand an oath of loyalty from each librarian and archivist in the Government’s employ. Furthermore, he has authorized a confidential telephone line so the activities of these nefarious individuals may be reported without fear of reprisal from militant members of the paper-sniffing fraternity.”

“It is regrettable our Government needs to take such measures, but as you know we are surrounded by those who want nothing more than to trample on our freedoms and subvert our democracy. I would urge all Canadians to call their nearest Service Canada office if they see anyone with a book or sheaf of papers who is acting suspiciously.”

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