Anti-sausage lobby goes ballistic

6 Mar

Canada’s vegetarian voters reacted much as you might expect when they heard the Harper Government planned to invest $826,000 in a Brampton company’s innovative technology that keeps the casings of grilled sausages from exploding.

“They can stuff it,” said one visibly upset vegan.

Even some self-identified red-meat conservatives at the Canadian Taxpayers Federation questioned the wisdom of what they saw clearly as a pork-barrelling exercise.

“We are not convinced,” said their spokesperson, “that an avowedly free trade government should be subsidizing a private company’s efforts to gut the competition.”

Meanwhile, stalwart sausage consumers remained split on the issue.

Some defenders of the initiative openly admitted their sausages occasionally burst on the barbecue and showered them with hot grease. They felt the investment was long overdue. Said one, “It will contribute to a much higher quality of backyard life for us and for the grilling generations to come.”

Less far-seeing sausagistas echoed the sentiments of increasingly squeezed taxpayers when they urged Harper and his merry band of free enterprisers to “stick a fork in it”.


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