One voice to rule them all

22 Jan

In a recent press conference, Prime Minister Stephen Harper told reporters he was “deeply disturbed” about the unacceptable behaviour of the 1,500 communications personnel employed by his administration.

“In defiance of my direct orders,” he said, “most still feel it necessary to mention things other than my Economic Action Plan”.

When reporters pressed him to explain how the high number of communications personnel could be reconciled with the Government’s emphasis on shrinking the federal bureaucracy, Harper noted he had been working closely with Human Resources Minister Diane Finley to address this serious matter.

“I am proud to say that Minister Finley acted as soon as she had finished dismantling the Employment Insurance system. As a result, today we are proud to announce the immediate termination of all 1,500 communications staffers.”

“In their place, I have appointed a single communications specialist — former journalist and current Environment Minister Peter Kent. From now on he will be the only person — besides me, of course — who speaks for the Government of Canada.”

Mr. Kent, asked to comment on this apparent demotion from the ranks of the power-hungry, said he considered it an honour and a privilege to be nothing more than a mouthpiece for the Prime Minister.

“To be frank, this new job also comes as a relief,” he said. “Ever since our Government gutted environmental legislation, I have had absolutely nothing to do.”

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