Coulda been a contender

10 Jan

According to The Canadian Press, Justin Trudeau raised an unprecedented $600,000 for his Liberal leadership bid in the three months since he threw his hat in the ring.

“Wow dude. I’m like, I don’t know. Just wow, I guess,” Trudeau said, although no reporter had yet asked him anything.

When challenged to reconcile his phenomenal fund-raising success with his utter lack of policies, Trudeau tossed his astonishingly thick locks and offered the media a quick lesson in shrewd political gamesmanship.

“Once I pummel my fellow Liberal contenders, I will have to go nine rounds with Stephen Harper. He is a man of many policies. Canadians do not like his policies. My response — and I have to say this response is based on the only advice available from the Liberal brain trust — is to stand for nothing at all. That way, we offend no one. It’s very Canadian. Is this an unconventional strategy? You bet it is. But as you know, I’m all about risk.”

Under the rules of the leadership campaign, candidates are not allowed to spend more than $950,000. With months to go before the Liberal Party of Canada chooses its next leader, Trudeau’s fund-raising may well exceed the allowable campaign spending limit.

Vancouver Sun columnist Barbara Yaffe, who recently told her readers that Trudeau’s campaign is built on “nothing much”, seized the opportunity to ask the candidate what might become of any surplus.

Trudeau looked remarkably thoughtful for a brief moment and then replied that he would consider distributing any surplus to those who voted for him. “Kinda like the sort of loyalty rebate Costco gives out this time of year.”

“Yeah, I like that.” he elaborated.

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