This way. No, wait, that way.

3 Jan

Yesterday’s Nanos Research poll, conducted with the Institute for Research on Public Policy, has confirmed that Canadians are utterly confused.

Many prognosticators have expressed that view previously, but until now all lacked empirical evidence to back up their claim.

Nik Nanos, the brains behind this revealing national poll on attitudes toward the future, discovered what the Globe and Mail newspaper has described as “a worrying leap in the number of Canadians who answered ‘unsure’ when asked whether ‘Canada, as a country, is moving in the right direction or the wrong direction.’”

The only good news, according to the respected pollster, is that a solid majority believe at least one of these directions to be correct.

“While we can’t be sure what is behind this disturbing trend,” said Mr. Nanos, “we have learned that it began with elimination of the penny. That decision clearly produced a seismic shift under the baby boomers in particular. Now that Minister Flaherty has announced he is considering elimination of the nickel as well, we anticipate further growth in the level of confusion.”

One retired baby boomer, when asked about the poll while on his way to another pointless job interview, expressed the fears of many when he said “Those pennies may not mean much to the Gen Xers, but to me they represent a good chunk of my retirement fund. And now you’re telling me that the nickel will soon be worth nothing as well? No wonder Mark Carney decided he wanted to be paid in pounds.”

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