Here comes Santa Claus

23 Dec

All Canadians—the native-born, the landed, those relaxing in drizzle-drenched detention camps on the west coast, and even those idling away the festive season in sub-tropical jails—responded with unmistakable gratitude when they heard Prime Minister Harper comment on their savings habits.

“It is high time someone of Mr. Harper’s stature came out and said plainly what many of us have been thinking for a long time,” said one recent arrival in the country who spoke anonymously for fear of being deported. “Not everyone is capable of the fiscal restraint that the Prime Minister has shown since taking office. Unfortunately there will always be those who need a swift kick in the pants before they’ll cut their out-of-control spending on rent, groceries and other frills.”

Mr. Harper delivered the much-needed kick in a year-end interview with CTV’s Dawna [sic] Friesen on Sunday, December 23.

Treating sentence structure and tense with the caprice for which he is well-known, the Prime Minister said

“Many households are well within a comfort level but some have been pushing the envelope and we obviously urge them to be cautious. Because eventually, interest rates will go up. You should be asking yourself, If interest rates were a couple of points higher, can I really afford the debt load I’m taking on now?”

To the chagrin of the Opposition parties, public reaction to Mr. Harper’s sage advice was almost universally complementary, perhaps because so many Canadians have up to this point had few examples to emulate other than Mr. Harper’s cautious handling of public funds in the pending $45 billion F-35 fighter purchase.

Thomas Mulcair, speaking off-the-record, said “Damn.”

Minutes later, a press release from the office of the Leader of the Opposition elaborated on Mr. Mulcair’s earlier comment:

“We in the New Democratic Party were convinced that we had right-wing fiscal policies down pat for the first time ever, but once again we have been bested by the Prime Minister’s unexpectedly generous dollop of consensus-building spending advice. Coming as it does on the heels of his restrained approach to celebrating the glorious War of 1812, Mr. Harper’s latest comments on prudence will no doubt be appreciated by Canadians of all political stripes.”

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